It is with much personal sadness that I must report that…
THE BUSH IS NOT BACK!
I’m as upset as you are. Don’t you hate the way the magazines play with us like that? One day it’s in, the next day it’s not…
Quite a few of the women’s magazines were responsible for raising our hopes, insinuating that the bush would be making a comeback in 2014. And the signs were good. Both Cameron Diaz and Gwyneth Paltrow admitted to preferring a bit of cover in the lady garden, proving our dedication to a more organic way of living.
I can go as organic as Gwyneth if it means keeping my bush.
There were articles like this one:
And not forgetting, of course, that European women have always been allowed to cultivate their body hair, (which includes a healthy muff).
But although Bush enthusiasts may harp on about the hygiene and safety reasons for leaving hair down there, according to MY source, there are still a lot of women depilating, and my source continues to wax more fannies than eat hot dinners.
Which is very sad news. Although we can find some consolation in the short term in that as we head towards winter we have that wonderful window of opportunity to let the bush off the leash for a few, precious months.
You can probably guess on which side I part my bush.
According to my source, (who prefers not to be named), once you have a Brazilian you never go back.
‘Go back for another?’ I asked Sue innocently.
No – apparently there are two reasons why women choose a bare fanny over the bush, and it has nothing to do with men. The first is the sensation and the second is that (apparently) once you have waxed down below for a while, it can grow back all patchy and fugly-like.
Of course it’s not in Sue’s interest to downplay the role of the Brazilian. Exposing the vulva is her bread and butter, after all.
I tried a home ‘landscape’ once with some cheap wax strips around my bikini line and the pain was SO intense that labour felt like a walk in the park afterwards. If one of those ‘nailed it’ photos existed of my upper thighs after I had removed my epidermis, it would appear that they had gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson.
Which is why I got a tad excited at the prospect of going completely au naturel, perhaps a messy bun on either side.
Because hair removal becomes a full-time job over-forty.
BRING BACK THE BUSH!
Are you with me?