- Although an oven may state that it is ‘self-cleaning’, that’s a lie! It does not self-clean as you use it, so allow three days for cleaning deeply engrained brown shit.
- Do not assume that removalists possess any spatial awareness or can see even those walls directly in front of them.
- Be careful not to pack important items such as house keys, tampons and bin bags and remember where you pack basic survival stuff such as daily medication, clean knickers, remote controls and wine.
- If your husband is as useful as an empty wine glass, don’t give him a set of keys.
- Dogs with weak bladders and anxiety issues are not helpful in a house move.
- Nor are teenagers unless you can blackmail them – luckily, you always can.
- Never assume that removalists have any fucking idea about how much they can fit into their truck.
- When you do that rough guesstimate of the number of packing boxes you will need (which seems unimportant in the first excited flush of moving), double it.
- Keep the removalists on leads so they do not sneak off once you have paid them without a) plumbing in the washing machine b) putting your bed together properly c) returning that precious set of allen keys you will need to put together the IKEA bed they forgot to erect and d) paying you cash for any damage they have caused.
- Never assume that a removalist can distinguish between precious and semi-precious items or comprehend that they shouldn’t use a piece of painted furniture as a step ladder or a prized trophy as a door wedge.
- Remember that the words ‘fragile’ and ‘this way up’ might as well be in Swahili for all the notice removalists take of them.
- Try to maintain your humor as you watch the removalist smash your dining table into the wall of your new building, take a massive chunk of plaster out of a just-decorated communal wall it in front of your new concierge and still deny it vigorously.
- Never assume that your agent sees hot water as as much of a fundamental commodity as you do.
- Apparently, lack of Internet connection is not a life-threatening issue to Optus, just a first world problem. Who knew?
My Midlife Mayhem 
Too funny as usual. Glad to hear you’re with Optus not Telstra. I’m in Sydo tomorrow! For three days! Want to meet up for a coffee/wine?
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Love to! Are you around on Wednesday or Thursday?
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Hate to tell you but you may have issues for a couple of weeks and Telstra are the pits and will blame foxtel, foxtel will blame Telstra and so the vicious blame circle begins x
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Yep, woke up to no Internet yesterday. HELL ON EARTH! My blood pressure is inversely connected to my Internet speed.
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I’m. Never. Moving.
Just bringing daughter back from university was hard enough. I’d add 2 tips from uni ferrying alone (both learned the hard way):
• Always tape the bottom of your packing boxes.
• Don’t pack all of your hardback books in one box…well, not if you actually want to lift it.
I hope all of your wine glasses survived the move.
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Wine glasses survived, sanity did not. My body aches all over but only three more boxes to unpack.
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We moved in 23 years ago. I suspect there are boxes that still need unpacking.
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