In the thick of a texting argument with my much-loved son this morning – he was in his Ancient History class and I was attempting to work from home – I’m not sure why, but my mind kept wandering to French toast, cream, maple syrup and raspberries.
Because sometimes I need a treat or some consolation for being this cigarette butt of a mother who gets trodden into the dirt when my boy has problems controlling his emotions.
When I was younger, it was much easier to let off steam or get a ‘high’ to make myself feel better. But getting kicks these days isn’t quite as straightforward.
In my twenties and thirties, when my morbidity wasn’t staring me quite so obviously in the face, I smoked this and that, had the desire and energy for multiple orgasms, a tolerance for more than two glasses of wine and the metabolism to eat every fucking pie on the table.
My fantasies these days have
slowed down evolved with age and are slightly less exuberant.
In my twenties I still fantasised about having sex with my husband! In my thirties I fantasised about ‘ uninterrupted sleep’, and now I’m in my forties I fantasise about being alone and naked with a melting Chocolate Lava Cake.
Stalking Chris Hemsworth has worked on occasion if I’m honest, as has Champagne, an erotic novel or a satiating splurge at Zara.
But there’s nothing quite as erogenous as FOOD and EATING to get the heart rate pulsing. It always hits the G Spot, whether it’s a bit of rough at Maccas (to quench the hangover from hell) or the finest Sushimi from my local Japanese.
So say, (in your truly, wildest fantasies), we were now in some middle-aged, female Utopia where you didn’t put a kilo on the minute you looked at, thought about, licked your lips in anticipation over, or (God help you), actually ATE ‘REAL’ FOOD – what would be your food fantasy?
Here’s a list of the sexual food fantasies that get my saliva flowing these days:
Smoked salmon, creamy cheese and dill
Chocolate Lava cake
Affogato with Tiramisu
Christmas pudding with brandy sauce
Vine-ripened tomatoes, basil, Boccocini and good Olive oil
Fillet steak and string fries
Mussels in a white wine and cream sauce with crusty bread
Ben and Jerry’s ice cream
Salted caramel ‘anything’
Fresh Guacomole and salty chips
Getting excited yet?