I Got Me A Free Boob Job

Of sorts.


I Got Me A Free Boob Job
Originally from Buzzfeed. Found on http://www.pinterest.com


It’s probably not what you’re thinking because I’m not brave enough to go down the surgery route and under the knife. And even if I was, there are SO many other areas that I’d re-sculpt before my boobs. Anyway, I’ve always thought that young, pert boobs on an old body look kind of odd.


But due to girly problems, and (I hasten to add) absolutely NOTHING to do with more sex or need for better contraception (ewww!), my doctor has put me on the Pill. It could only happen to me – at a time when every other woman I know is coming off the Pill due to concerns about the invasiveness of pumping more hormones into the menopausal body, I find myself back on it.


For those of you women like me, who first took the Pill back in your twenties, do you remember that massive surge in breast development that accompanied the influx of oestrogen? Back then the Pill took me from a bee-sting AA to an acceptable B cup, and for many small-busted women, it wasn’t only a convenient form of contraception, but the answer to our boob prayers too. 


But for those of us approaching 50, and let’s say, not quite so concerned about how our bodies project to the outside world these days, (and certainly not in need of daily contraception), a sudden growth and density spurt of breast tissue can be somewhat disconcerting and embarassing.


I’d got quite used to my innocuous, post-breastfeeding sacs. They were easy, honest boobs that had done their job and I had let them retire gracefully. Not too big to get in the way, small enough when aided by the wonders of modern bra technology to be sculpted into any damn shape and size I needed them to be.


But now my boobs are pert again; full of zest and life and some might even say that they look inviting – which frankly, is just about the last thing I need them to be.


I’d never really thought a lot about my boobs until this recent shake-up, when they suddenly developed a life of their own and lifted and filled, like those of some pubescent teenager. But now I have to.


Because my bras are all suddenly very tight and my boobs spill over the top of them. My tops and dresses have started to pull and crease in all the wrong places and my new boobs throw me off balance when I exercise and jiggle uncharacteristically when I move too quickly – I suddenly understand what ‘busty girl problems’ on Pinterest are all about.


It’s confusing, because I’d come to accept this next phase of my body now. I’d come through the grieving period for my old body and redefined mentally who I am. I was excited about being defined by what goes on inside my head, finally, rather than by what’s attached to the front of my chest.


So where do these new boobs leave me now?



7 thoughts on “I Got Me A Free Boob Job

  1. As one of the oldies who was born in the sixties (and was probs the reason they invented the pill) I must confess I have never been on the pill, except for a brief 3 month window when I consequently gained 20 pounds and grew boobs. I’ve been an IUD girl all my life which probably explains why I have 5 kids. I recently had my ten year old, rusty IUD removed and am now slowly drying up. shriveling and crusting over.
    Enjoy your new boobs Louisa xxx


  2. My advice: Throw out the Pill and get thee on Chinese Herbs! There’s got to be a good traditional Chinese Herbalist somewhere in Sydney! Probably quite a few of them from what I know of Sydney, albeit long distance. And I don’t mean nice, neat and tidy capsules or even powders, I mean a bag of raw herbs (that look like floor sweepings and taste worse) that you have to cook up every few days. Yes, it’s less that convenient, but the Pill has far too many unwanted effects to be safe, especially over 30 y/o, IMHO, of course. Even the worst menstrual problems usually respond quite well and quite quickly to herbs and acupuncture.


      1. Having just read the sauna post, thus being newly reminded you also have hot flashes, I double the recommendation for Chinese floor-sweepings raw herbs! It’s difficult for me to research practitioners in Sydney from Colorado, but this guy looks like the place where I would start:

        He may not have a private practice, but I would call him and see… (actually, I would go and stalk and trap him in person, 😉 but that’s just me…) Beg if necessary… Offer to be a teaching case (just imagine how many posts you could get out of that experience!) if that fails, I would then ask for a recommendation and referral to someone who practices with RAW Chinese herbs.

        I know you are joking about taking the bloody lot out, but that IS an option, albeit one that I do not personally recommend. Remember Angelina Jolie? Prophylactic mastectomies are an option, again not one I recommend, but if you do want to do that, and arrange it properly, reconstruction in just the size you find perfect, can be far better accomplished than if one were to wait until a mastectomy were “necessary” for medical reasons. (BTW, I am not convince a mastectomy is ever necessary even in the presence of cancer, but that’s an individual decision.)


      2. Thanks Christina, I will look into the herbs as an alternative and you’re right, it would make great material. As long as it’s not something Macbeth’s witches might conjure up …”eye of newt’…comes to mind!


      3. And you would not be far off… I think I will not mention some of the things that are “herbs” in the Chinese Materia Medica… That said, those things are not (usually) prescribed for women’s troubles, so while the formula may taste ghastly, or not, depending on your constitutional factors, it will probably not be moving ;-)))


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