When Will I Be Middle-Aged Enough To Want To Go On A Cruise?

Don’t get me wrong, I discover more and more great things about being middle-aged, every day.

When Will I Be Middle-Aged Enough To Want To Go On A Cruise?
Cruise Ship Reflections by Marinell Turnage at http://www.flickr.com


Not having to worry about being judged on my looks is the best thing ever, and being able to roam my local streets looking like a bag lady when I go for my morning coffee, has been liberating. Attaining the wisdom to know for certain now that I AM always right, is another, and having a permanent excuse for grumpiness and intolerance is very satisfying. 


And then there’s the real icing, like napping and being able to choose comfortable clothes over style – and get away with it. I love wearing flat shoes, voluminous scarves and floral dresses with drop waists and I now have more cardies in my wardrobe than cocktail dresses.


Some things are obviously not so great. Dinner party conversations that focus on illness and who’s died recently are becoming a little too commonplace for comfort and I’ve told you about my issues with hair growing just about everywhere (apart from on the old man’s head), my early dementia and an unfortunate reaction to loud music, considering I’ve created the next Mick Jagger.


All these symptoms qualify me for middle-age.


But there are some disappointments, too. There are some middle-aged activities that I’m still waiting to develop an inclination towards; some pastimes that I think I should be enjoying by now, according to my ‘How To Enjoy Middle Age’ guide.


That whole sauna/spa/relaxation thing was a miss, as you know. I still find it hard to relax AT ALL – even given the chance. In fact the only time I can sit still for longer than an hour is when I’m under either the influence of sugar or alcohol.


Then there’s gardening, which I truly believe I gave my best middle-aged shot at in our old house. But… worms. Then there was the backache, the weeds that refused to stop growing, the leaves to clear and the expensive plants that, (for no obvious reason), simply refused to grow on my watch, which all contributed to make it such an onerous task.

Embed from Getty Images


I’ve also tried to discover the appeal in the cruise ships that dock across from us in Circular Quay, too, but nothing gives. It might be the YMCA theme that some of the less prestigious vessels boom out across the harbour to announce their arrival, but there is zero desire in me to step on a cruise ship with hundreds of other mid-lifers, make small talk 24 hrs a day (with no feasible means of escape), and have to dress in something beyond yoga pants; even the Captain’s Table doesn’t sound interesting – or is that a euphemism for something else?


Then there’s the small problem that I can’t stay up later than 10pm without falling asleep, in spite of the fact that my middle-aged body clock still hasn’t changed its morning setting so that I can  ‘catch the worm’. I could still sleep through to lunchtime, given the choice, so why pay for an expensive cruise to get stuck with awful people 24/7, and miss all the sights too?


Then again, I swore I’d never wear flat shoes and would never stop drinking after two glasses of wine with some feeble excuse, so subtle changes are definitely in the air and happening without my full consent.


And elasticated trousers do look more and more appealing these days.



12 thoughts on “When Will I Be Middle-Aged Enough To Want To Go On A Cruise?

  1. My husband (who clearly sounds a zillion years older than me) was dying to go on a cruise. I thought you actually had to be dead to go on one. But he convinced me and last year we went on a Mediterranean cruise and it was the best holiday I have ever been on. It was a freestyle ship (I think that ‘s the term) which meant no set dining time or place – there were 24 restaurants on board so you could eat differently every night and never see the same people. We got off at a different city each day so we never got bored or stuck with people we didn’t know – it was awesome. Cannot recommend it highly enough.

    But NEVER set foot on a ship that plays The Village People



  2. I used to think along the same lines. Cruises are for ‘fossils’. However after many of my middle-aged friends have embarked on various cruises to exotic locations, I finally succumbed. I just booked a cruise to Mexico and The Caribbean today for next year. Hopefully it will be as good as Lana described above.


  3. Oh dear, I have been on 2 cruises and am off on a 3rd in December … definitely qualifies me as middle aged! The good things on a cruise you don’t have to mix and be social if you don’t want 🙂


  4. I’m going on my third cruise in 3 years with extended family including kids and grandparents. They’ve been the best holidays ever, there are so many activities going on, everyone just did their own thing and we caught up at dinner time. I was sceptical about cruising but was very pleasantly surprised!


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