Kurt’s empty bedroom has done a formidable job of enticing me away from the confines of the marital bed, during our son’s absence.
Luckily, I developed a minor cold at the beginning of last week, which gave me the perfect excuse to move into his room under the pretence of not wanting to spread my germs or keep the old man awake with my coughing, sniffing and wheezing fits.
Sadly, it was only to be a 48hr cold – not the serious case of man flu I had hoped it would be – so I had to fake my symptoms for the following three days until we came away.
I’m sure that many of you can appreciate the sheer bliss of sleeping alone for the first time in over twenty years. No fights over the doona or space, and no unexpected (and frankly RUDE) pokes in the night when I snore. You see, the old man and I have developed very different sleep rhythms and patterns as we’ve aged and the only thing we have in common in bed these days is that we are both exceptionally light sleepers.
I am a night bird who likes to go to bed late, read late into the night, tip tap on the computer at whatever time creativity calls and arise as late as my schedule will allow me to the following morning. The old man likes to retire early, arise with the birds and is unnaturally and annoyingly full of beans from sunrise.
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I used to think that older couples adopted separate bedrooms when their sex life dried up; It never occurred to me that the decision might be linked to certain other physical changes related to the ageing process such as the call of the weaker bladder, snoring, night sweats that make the bed hotter than a sauna and the resulting insomnia that increases middle-aged intolerances.
Dimming the light on my Kindle to a glow, batting my eyelashes and my suggestion of ear plugs are no longer effective strategies for keeping the wrath of the old man at bay.
Is it okay to want separate bedrooms? Or is it a slippery slope leading to a lack of intimacy that signals the beginning of the end?
My Midlife Mayhem 
I think separate beds are the perfect answer its the only way to get a good nights sleep on my terms….and then to keep the intimacy going there’s nothing like a saucy late text to say “Hey how about it!” to the old man or from the old man, makes it fun watching him sneak into your room for a bit…..and then sneak back out to leave you to sleep soundly in your own space again or visa versa!!!
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Sounds like a romantic novel. Truth is, neither of us could be bothered to text.
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I think Josie is on to something there! I think it might be an interesting experiment 🙂
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I’d be lying awake expectantly for the text, pop in his room and see him practising his golf swing.
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I think the effect it will have is totally up to the couple, as long as it is talked about there is no reason it couldn’t work.
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Personally I think it’s dangerous. I think you need some sort of intimacy, even just ‘touch’ to keep you bound together.
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I agree with needing intimacy, but that can be had before and after sleep. I don’t personally like it for my wife and I, but some people have a hard time sleeping. Thanks again for the good post. Great things to think about.
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Why is it that so many times you are spot on? Woke up this morning after a horrid sleep because hubby screwed up my bedtime routine. I am just the opposite of you. Bed early and up early, he is a nighthawk. Except last night. He dared to come to bed BEFORE I got to sleep! (Hence – no sleep) Aww..aging – the joys!
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Sometimes I go to bed seriously early to get in some relax time reading and it spoils my whole week when he decides to have an even earlier night.
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I don’t know the answer to your last question, but I’m right there with you in preferring to sleep alone. Between my husband’s sleep apnea machine, his occasional sleep talking, and his restless leg (which is really restless entire body) syndrome, a night with him in the bed is pretty close to torture. When he started driving a truck 5-6 days a week, meaning he’s only home a couple of nights each week, my sleep quality improved immensely.
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I know, I so look forward to his trips away…
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Think of it this way.. The better sleep you get makes you a happier person. I know when I’m rested and happy I am more apt to be inspired to be intimate and spontaneous. It works for us sleeping in two different rooms.
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Agreed. But you have to be seriously confident in your relationship to take that step.
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