Stylish, Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle Aged Women

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STEVIE MAY Dont Tassle Me Dress (Myer)

There’s a hideous, fine line to tread when you’re middle-aged and decide to wear a floaty, summer dress. It’s the line between looking ‘hot’ and looking like a sack of potatoes. 

Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle-Aged Women
TRENT NATHAN Splice Panel Shift Dress (Myer)

Especially if you’re vertically-challenged like me, as well as being over-forty.

I really like the idea of dresses for this summer, (which promises to be a scorcher here in Australia), mainly because I feel too over-exposed in shorts these days, but also because I don’t want the VERY visible panty line of my granny-knickers demonstrating just how much I don’t care.

But sadly, wrapping swathes of excess fabric around the Ruben-esque physique can be a perilous risk, because it can make me look actually bigger than I am, and I’ve never been able to wear anything waisted or belted at the waist because I’ve never had a waist.

Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle-Aged Women
Tie Waist Rib Dress (Country Road)

I had hoped that when maxi dresses came back into fashion a couple of years ago, I was sorted. Maxi dresses are the western version of the Burqa and ideal for the middle-aged woman who likes to be invisible, thank you very much.

But if it’s possible, they make me look shorter and dumpier than I am. I’ve also tried the Victoria Beckham-style condom, hoping it would suck all my curves into submission, but frankly, I’m too old for that level of torture. So what a relief when I noticed that some of the high street shops such as Cue, here in Oz, have brought in some rather cute little shift dresses this season.

The shift dress is the middle-aged woman’s BFF.

Shift dresses don’t get around the problem that the high street stores, in general, (by refusing to cater for women over a certain age, even though that’s where the money lies, bitches), seem to think we older women still want to wear dresses that flaunt our sagging butt cheeks and no-entry vaginas… but it’s a move in the right direction.

If the hemline is short, however, and you’re nudging or over-50, and really don’t want to look like a hooker, can I suggest flats with these dresses rather than fuck-me slingbacks that the models pose in.

Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle-Aged Women
Spliced Lace Flare Hem Dress by Cue

Anyhow, I’ve had a browse on your behalf and found a few cute little dresses that I’m going to try out next time the old man is forced to give me money for sexual favours. Don’t be afraid of the gangly models in these photos with their legs up to their ears – they are actually martians sent to test our superior strength. We all know that REAL women don’t look like that, nor would we want to look like that…except when it comes to being able to see at concerts

Let me know if any of these styles tickle your fancy because I’m tempted to bury my last ounces of self-esteem and go try them out NOW.

I’m feeling stronger. Hell! I went swimming costume shopping a few weeks ago. 

Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle-Aged Women
WAYNE BY WAYNE COOPER
Silver Cut Out Neck Shift Dress
Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle-Aged Women
Contrast Lace Shift Dress by Cue
Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle-Aged Women
Print Wedge Dress by Country Road
Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle-Aged Women
Spliced Dress by Witchery

6 thoughts on “Stylish, Shifty Summer Dresses For Middle Aged Women

  1. When I come out of mourning at the end of the month, I have purchased a few little cotton dresses for the summer. They all have waists, and little sleeves and the hem goes to the knee. I actually feel slimmer in these than I do in all those Clown Clothes and Circus Tents which most “Big is Beautiful” (and that’s a crock) shops sell which make you look as if your huge jacket can take off and fly. Quite looking forward to summer this year. And I also found 3 gorgeous swimsuits in my size at Trade Secret for $29 each, all with tummy ‘tucking’. Yay.

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      1. Look for the brands “Togs” and “Madison”. Both made by the same factory.They are great. But they are very small fitting so don’t feel bad that you’ll need a size bigger than normal. I’ve been using this brand for some years now for my water aerobics and they are great fitting, gorgeous colours and the cut of the leg does not come up to the waist. (Thank goodness). And I’d forgotten about Liz in her kaftans. They always made her look huge, poor woman.

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  2. Bravo! I just cannot wear dresses. I feel frumpy and my thighs rub together. When I was young and thin (I wish I was as fat as I was then…), I roared with laughter at the fact that fat women wear bike pants to stop their thighs from rubbing together… I just don’t wear skirts that require bike pants underneath them. I stick to shorts, jeans, pants.. anything with leg dividers…. I also find dresses rather warmer than pants, as all that space where the skirt is fills with hot air. The skirt does, however, make picking your undies out of your arse a lot easier than when wearing pants….

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    1. But it’s too warm in the summer for pants, and feel too old for shorts now, especially all the ones the high street stores sell that are so skimpy. I like the freedom of the dress and the fact that my undies don’t get caught in my arse.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahahahaha I am now at the stage of life where I have to wear bike pants???!!! (trendy term is “leggings”) under any skirt/dress I might wear,
        so my thighs don’t rub together . Old age sucks!

        Liked by 1 person

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