Dreaming Of A Wine Christmas

This image shows a white wine glass (WMF Easy)...
This image shows a white wine glass (WMF Easy) with white wine. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

To Whom It May Concern, Scarborough Wine Co, Hunter Valley

Dear Sir/Madam,

Re: Brand Ambassador Role

Please accept my application for the role of Brand Ambassador for your wine company. Although this role has yet to be advertised, after extensive market research, I believe that like Angelina Jolie before me in her role as Ambassador for UNICEF, I could be the new face of Scarborough Wine, bring a heightened awareness to the fabulousness of your wines and hence invigorate the profitability of your products.

In terms of my credentials, I drink loads of your wine. HEAPS. This means that I know the product inside out.

Your Yellow Label Chardonnay is my preferred tipple but I will take the Blue if I have too, and my fellow wine connoisseurs have informed me that your White is the crème de la crème, so it goes without saying that I would be only too happy to sample and review it for you.

In terms of the right niche marketing and brand placement, if all of the the readers of My Midlife Drinking had to pick two words to associate with me, they would undoubtedly be ‘Scarborough’ and ‘Wine’…or maybe ‘lush’ or ‘whiner’, depending on the day. I envisage a short campaign, simple in its approach, yet highly effective in terms of output; one that involves me and my friends drinking lots of wine and then telling you how much we all enjoyed it.

In terms of my relationship history with your company thus far, I have visited your cellar door in the Hunter Valley numerous times, sampled the wonderful freebie cheese spread you provide to help flog your wine and have always set back home with the comforting sound of clanging bottles of Yellow Label in the boot of my car – even though your cellar prices are more expensive than the deals I get at my local bottle shop – something we need to discuss, if you don’t mind me saying.

Furthermore, I see this as a medical intervention. Due to the heinous symptoms of menopause, I am exactly the right guinea pig to trial your wine because my tolerance for alcohol has taken an unacceptable dip of late, and I need to get back on the horse with a wine I know to be not only sublime on the tastebuds, but also easy on the head.

Yes, I will go that far. In spite of the worrying trend towards alcoholism, which is particularly noticeable in the 50+ female age group, and the inconclusive science that insists on lying that wine is bad for us, I have decided to put my health on the line for your company, the future of the grape and progress. I have always believed that the health benefits of being a lush far outweigh the negatives; that such a lifestyle choice facilitates the improvement of major mental health issues such as avoidance, anxiety and poor social skills as well as staving hunger pangs when there is clearly an obesity problem in society that needs to be addressed.

In terms of salary expectation, I would never be greedy and a few hundred cases a month should suffice for any new product trial.

In conclusion, I am highly efficient at drinking wine, have a high tolerance for wine and a mature outlook. I also produce some of my best work in a drinking team environment.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Louisa Simmonds

2 thoughts on “Dreaming Of A Wine Christmas

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