How You Can Help Bridge The Gap Between Rich and Poor This Valentines Day

I hate to name-drop, but I found myself in the same breathing space as two former prime ministers a couple of days ago. The first was Malcolm Turnbull, one of the many speakers at the Side By Side conference run by the Wayside Chapel, who had been invited to discuss the crucial role of students in political conversation. And the second was an icon of mine, Julia Gillard, whose “misogyny” speech was voted the most unforgettable moment on Australian TV this week, and who was the special guest on The Guilty Feminist, a stage show of the popular podcast that was on at the Enmore Theatre.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Two Australian politicians from two different political parties, who share a similar vision when it comes to how to measure success and how to improve the way we care for the marginalised people in our community.

You may know that during his time as prime minister, Malcolm was criticised for his privilege – for being a wealthy, self-made man – and for not being a natural communicator when it came to the people. And in spite of his valiant attempts to prioritise climate policy in his party – a view that ultimately led to his downfall – he remained a somewhat elusive personality who the voters were frustrated to never really get to know.

From the other side of the tracks was Julia, our first female prime minister, who became a target of the predominantly middle-aged, white men in her party and the opposition party as a result of her gender. Throughout her stint as prime minister, she was forced to fight the sort of infantile sexism and snobbery you expect to find in an all-boys private school. Nevertheless, she stood her ground against it – hence, that speech – and if the level of applause at her arrival on Friday night was anything to go by, her reputation among Australian feminists is legendary.

How wonderful to see, in this terrifyingly narcissistic period of political history, two such prominent figures (who in spite of both being retired from politics), came together to help the marginalised community in our society.

Malcolm was appearing at the Side By Side conference run by The Wayside Chapel, to which I was invited (I assume) because of my paltry donation of a Christmas lunch to ease my guilt for one of their residents last year. The organisation, which is based in Kings Cross in Sydney, works predominantly with and for the homeless – for those who have hit rock bottom due to physical illness, job loss, mental illness, addiction, domestic violence, sexual abuse and trauma. They are citizens and victims who could be any one of us, who have fallen on bad times – typically through no fault of their own – who are being ignored by society.

The Side By Side conference was about reducing the stigma about poverty and exchanging ideas about how we can narrow the gap between us and them.

But change takes time. As Julia Gillard reminded us during her chat on The Guilty Feminist, it will probably take another century before we see any real equality in terms of female leadership in Australia – whether that’s in the workplace or in politics – and without women in those positions, we remain under-represented. The same is true for the poor. Unless society shows more compassion and changes its priorities, the gap will continue to widen.

What is certain is that to effect the necessary changes we need leaders who have vision and who are prepared to listen to our young people and our experts in the field.

It is not only middle-aged lefties like me who are disillusioned with the direction the western world is heading. When a government prioritises a Religious Freedom Bill over crucial preparations for the annual bushfire season, we have to ask why. And our kids are asking those questions too – which is perhaps one of the reasons so many are struggling with their mental health.

The Wayside Chapel’s conference was a call to action. Progressive, well-known CEOs spoke about how businesses can help donate part of their profits to help bridge the gap between rich and poor and to help protect the environment, and the message that stood out was that if we all become a little less focused on success and more on caring, there is a chance that we can do exactly that.

“Together we can make no ‘us and them,” was the clear message of the event. And they’re right. Imagine how frigging awesome it would be if everyone of us did something tiny that could make a real difference to the confidence of one person on the poverty line. Because, trust me, their situation could happen to any of us, and an increasing percentage of the current number of the homeless population are middle-aged women.

I’m aware that “activism” is harder than just sitting at home on the sofa, watching those heart-wrenching stories play out on the The Project. It requires a concerted “movement of feet.” And even though we’ve had to put our hands a little deeper into our pockets of late, I am certain that there is something that most of us can do. For example, this Valentines Day, instead of buying your partner a tacky card and a sad bunch of dead petrol station flowers, you could donate $20 to, or any organisation that helps people in need. That small donation will give someone a shower, a new pair of undies and socks and some toiletries. It’s a much more sustainable way to show someone you love them and it will make all the difference to someone who isn’t feeling the love right now.

“Running Really Does Get Easier,” Said No Novice Runner Ever

Image of woman running up steps in orange runners.

There’s no doubt in my mind that what this year’s fun run is really about is another narcissistic attempt to deny the physical evidence that my body is as old AF and, well, a bit buggered.

The papers – or “the news” (as my millennial daughter corrected me yesterday morning because she has never read a hard copy newspaper) – continues to be full of stories of New Year’s resolutions that never got out of the starting gate, Dry January fails, and Januhairy – the least challenging resolution for the menopausal/hormonally hirsute amongst us.

Privately, I have made a couple of personal resolutions – that for legal reasons that involve the old man, I can’t share publicly with you yet – but I have made one that I’m happy to talk about.

This May, I will be competing in the 4k Mothers Day Classic Fun Run to support breast cancer research.

Yes, FOUR FUCKING KILOMETRES, and A RUN! The “fun” part, I’m not so sure about.

I did a similarly crazy thing a little over ten years ago when I celebrated my 40th birthday – don’t ask me why I have this tendency to come up with harebrained schemes such as these, although I suspect that wine has something to do with them – when, in the wisdom of what I will now refer to as my youth, I signed up for the London To Brighton bike ride, to prove that I was still young, hot and fit to raise money for The British Heart Foundation.

And evidently, few life lessons were learned from that day of shame. Either that or I have parked them in the dying brain cell department of my brain along with memories of childbirth and whatever I once saw in Johnny Depp.

In my defense, the temperature that day in the UK was (an unheard of) 33 degrees – the precursor to what the intelligent among us now accept as climate change – but added to which, I was also sporting a rather debilitating injury, incurred at training the week before; the result of a nasty brush with gravel. That meant that I had to compete with two stitches to my right elbow and severe PTSD in relation to every getting on a bike again.

To cut a long story short, I was the only competitor to cross the finishing line as the event organizers were planning their retirements – although twelve hours to complete fifty-two miles is apparently a record…of sorts. I was also the only competitor to be slapped around the face by their husband halfway around the course when he feared for my sanity – although, again, in my defense, my bum was really sore.

There’s little doubt in my mind that what this year’s fun run is really just another narcissistic attempt to deny the physical evidence that my body is as old AF and, well, a bit buggered. However, my ambition is not to complete this year’s run in a credible time. No, all I’m really aspiring to do is not look like a complete twat as I cross the line – IF I cross the line – ie. I’m hoping for no sign of poo or wee on my pants, that I haven’t stolen water from the nearest dehydrated child spectator, or taken the bus to raise money for a commendable cause.

I’m also hoping that on this occasion I don’t have to beg a steward to pull me up the last hill in return for sexual favors – something the organizers of the London To Brighton event got very sniffy about.

In case you’re wondering, I don’t know why I don’t organize a coffee morning, eat all the cakes, and be done with it, either. It’s not like I’m one of those stoic people who can put their mind to anything for a shot of very public altruism. Frankly, I couldn’t apply myself to catching a Huntsman spider if the lives of my children depended on it – something you might have picked up on in my last post. I’m not naturally a “charity” type of person – other than my belief that it begins and stays at home, ideally in my bank account.

However, I’m proud to say that I have reached the 2km mark in my training – not an easy feat in the humidity of a Sydney summer – and my only question at this stage of my running journey is when the fuck it gets easier? When will my legs and boobs stop hurting? When will my thighs stop sticking together? Will I ever enjoy it?

The No Makeup Selfie and Exposing Yourself In Public

I admit it. I felt an immense sense of relief when no-one nominated me to post a no makeup selfie on Facebook.


Cosmetics (Photo credit: My Sight, as You See.)

I wish I could excuse myself and say, like some critics of the campaign, that I simply didn’t understand the point of how the campaign could help cancer sufferers.

But my reasons were much more shallow than that.


The sad truth is that I’m simply too vain. Which makes me either a coward or uncharitable, you decide.


I wouldn’t have considered myself vain before though. I’m the woman who gets showered and ready at least twenty before everyone else, still doesn’t know or care what a hair straightener does, have never had my nails manicured and feel just as comfortable with both hairy and silky-smooth legs.


But to fully expose myself in public in all my middle-aged glory?  Thanks but no thanks.


For starters, I look really shit without makeup. I’m not a Gwyneth Paltrow or one of those ‘natural’ beauties who looks irritatingly more beautiful without makeup and whose inner beauty shines through. I’m naturally a vampire with permanent panda circles around my eyes that make me look like I should be an extra on a Lord of the Rings set.

Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Paltrow (Photo credit: rocor)

Makeup gives me courage. Something to hide behind.


Uploading a photo of myself without makeup would be like having sex in the morning. I am at my most irritable in the mornings and feel completely unsexy, so why on earth would I want to have sex? But by day I become a glamour puss – I wear heels to go to Coles and have drummed into NC that she must always wear her best knickers in case she winds up in Emergency.


Of course, it did cross my mind that this campaign wasn’t about ME and that my fugly photo might help women suffering from the indignities associated with cancer, by sharing my own loss of dignity.


But I’ve watched many friends fight cancer and it’s a lot more invasive than not putting your foundation on in the morning.


And I don’t think I’m uncharitable, either.


Party Dress Trisha

I’ve done stuff for charity. I rode fifty-three miles from London to Brighton on a pushbike in 33 degree heat for the Heart Foundation in my fortieth year. With stitches in my arm from when I fell of the bike in training. It was the worst experience of my life and at one point the old man had to shout at me to pull myself together.


But I’d do it again rather than take off my make up on Facebook.


Confusing, I know, when I spend my life sharing the private moments of my family via a blog, in words, and am also not averse to ridiculing myself in so many other ways.


And I take my hat off to my friends who exposed themselves. I admit that when I saw them in all their middle-aged gorgeousness posting photos of their natural beauty online for the sake of others, I felt immediately guilty and envied them their courage and inner confidence.


I could have posed and pulled a silly face, maybe. But to look straight into the lens of the camera, devoid of my mask, that takes courage.


There’s still a lot of work to be done.






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What Is A True Philanthropist?

Bill Gates Addressing Health Ministers at Meet...
Bill Gates Addressing Health Ministers at Meeting on Polio Organized by the Gates Foundation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I went to a fundraising night for Breast Cancer on Friday night. A small gesture for a worthy cause.

The next morning the old man asked me where I’d been – he’d noticed I was missing when he went to bed.  We only really communicate on a need-to-know basis these days.

‘Where were you last night?’ he asked, as we woke up yesterday morning.

‘At an evening to raise money for breast cancer research’, I said. ‘We all donated….’

‘You did what?’ he cut in. ‘You d…o….n…a…..?’ he said, stammering on the word).

Yes, I gave money away to a good cause,’ I justified.

‘But we already d..o..n…a….(still stammering on the word); we fund your ADHD Group and that child in Africa…….’

‘We do,’ I replied, ‘but remember our conversation about it being better to give?’ I reminded him.

From the ensuing silence, I could tell that he couldn’t. Obviously, watching Bill Gates on Q & A on Tuesday night had done nothing to change his attitude to money; and in particular to ‘giving’ it away.

The old man and I have a very different approach to money and how we spend it.

I spend and he doesn’t. I am a spender, he is a saver. I am a creative and he is an accountant.

Money has always been an issue in our marriage, and the subject of charity and how much we should donate is still a contentious one; more so as our disposable income increases.

To be fair to him, my social conscience has always been far bigger than my wallet.

It was interesting to watch the old man’s reaction to Gates’ explanation of his philanthropy on Tuesday night. To witness the sheer incredulity on his face as he learnt that the Gates’ will ultimately donate ninety percent of their earnings via The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to fund scientific research, education and vaccination programmes around the world. I could see his brain ticking over, contemplating this concept, a concept that is difficult to digest when you are still struggling to pay off debt to keep a roof over your head. Nevertheless, I sat praying that some of Gates’ idealism might actually rub off on him.

Gate’s philanthropy is a commendable choice.

But in as much as I admire him and what he has chosen to do with his wealth, the fact is that HE CAN. By his own admittance, Bill Gates is f*cking loaded. As he himself said on Q&A, he no longer has to mow the lawn and could never realistically spend all the money he earns.

Bill Gates is notorious now for the ‘amount’ of money he gives away, but I admire Bill Gates for the ‘time’ he gives to managing his philanthropy.

Bill Gates has less ‘time’ to give away, than money.

And his extraordinary philanthropy effects real change to global social issues, medicine and science, particularly in third world countries. His philanthropic idealism of helping at the grass roots levels to educate, as well as supplying vaccines and funding medical and scientific research worldwide, is an example of successfully applying business principles to world issues.

He has undoubtedly made a huge ‘difference’.

We’d all like to be in Gates’ position of course. Bu unfortunately, most of us don’t have the money to be philanthropic and it takes time, commitment and passion to ‘make a difference’ in other ways. The majority of the population scrapes to get by to simply survive.

Bill and Melinda Gates didn’t HAVE to give their wealth away, of course. They could have just bought a few mansions in the Hamptons or an island or two in the Caribbean and settled for a quiet retirement. But I suspect that Bill doesn’t have the type of brain happy to retire, sit in an armchair all afternoon and watch old films on tv.

Bill is a cerebral man, a thinker, and a problem-solver. You can’t just switch that off when you reach a certain age. And it hasn’t all been plain sailing either, this philanthropy gig – he has received his share of criticism as well as being lauded for the way in which he manages his foundation. Nevertheless, it takes guts to stick your neck out when you don’t have to and put your money where your mouth is. Even when you are a multi-billionaire.

But what also shows strength of character is to give back when your own back is against the wall. There are other philanthropists, who give in the small ways they can in terms of their ‘time’ to do good. They don’t have the notoriety of Bill Gates or the resources or networks to make global change, nevertheless they sacrifice part of their lives to the causes of other less fortunate people.

And they often go unrecognized for their work.

In my opinion, Bill deserves the notoriety for his philanthropy, not because of the amount of money he has donated through his foundation, but because of the time he has donated to manage it. 

Philanthropy is a ‘love of humanity’ and giving money is only one of the way you can be a philanthropist.